Forced Fatherhood….

I have been putting off this post but one more day of Maury Povich and girls having sex with several guys in the same span of time with no protection (what happened to practicing safe sex) I just can’t take it anymore. You can’t force a man (and I use this term loosely because usually the guy in question is barely over 21) to be a father. You cannot ask someone to be responsible for your child’s mental well-being who doesn’t want to be. It may not be fair but it’s life.

…does forced fatherhood work? It depends! There are all kinds of scenarios where a man or even a boy can step up to the plate and be a pretty decent father. It depends on his character. Sometimes a man doesn’t mind paying the child support but he don’t want the mental and emotional commitment of being there for the child. You may think your child needs a father but for me I think your child needs more than someone masquerading as daddy because he’s being shamed into it.

First, let me say that with the knowledge we have today versus what we had 20 or 30 years ago there should not be as many accidental pregnancies! Second, in that knowledge we should be more selective in who we have children with. Since both of these things are virtually ignored once you have proven that this man is your baby’s daddy put him on child support through the courts (even if you are a couple unless you are married) because when you break up and he has other things to do with his money but help take care of his child there will be consequences that will get him back on track.

Now in an ideal world he will take an interest in his child and be the ideal father whether you are together or not. He’ll have the child sometimes which will give you a break. He’ll give the child a male role model to look up to. Here’s the rub…all men don’t want this and if this is how they feel don’t force the issue, take the money and run and be both mommy and daddy to your child. Let your brother or father be a role model because if you make that man be in a situation he doesn’t want to be in it will just breed resentment and he may not be so nice to your child when you’re not around. The horror of what happens to some children when they are being taken care of by a father who is barely legal age himself. They are really just too young and immature for the role of a father. A lot of these men already bear resentment because they didn’t want a child and you have put them in an awkward position. Yes, it does take two to tango but ultimately it is your body. I would never leave it up to a man to ensure that I do not get pregnant. Also, a condom is not satisfactory birth control although a large percent of people don’t even suit up. If you’re in a relationship at some point you should have talked about pregnancy so that you know where his head is on the subject and what the consequences will be. …and come on ladies if a guy already has several kids and takes care of none of them why would you want to get pregnant by him. What makes you think your child will be different.

So forced fatherhood, I would be concerned that it was not in the best interest of my child emotionally and physically. Once you have taken on the role to be a mother don’t bitch and moan about how much work it is and that he’s not there for you. It is a lot of work but you should have known that and he has no obligation to be there for you, or to go to the doctor with you or to emotionally hold your hand. A girl at 16 can rise to the occasion and be a damned good mom, a 16year old boy can be a good dad if he chooses to be (not necessarily a good provider) but if he chooses not to be because most 16 year olds want to play video games and hang with their friends, a baby to him is a status symbol more than anything that says “Look what I did” but there is no real interest on his part. On the other hand 25 year old men don’t want to have fatherhood forced on them when they don’t even like you half the time. They just wanted to get in your pants. Ladies be careful with your children.

I raised two children by myself. If I look back do I have regrets. Hell No! and if I had it to do again I would do it the same way. I’m proud of how my children turned out and they didn’t grow up with a step father beating them on a regular basis as me and my brothers grew up. I have a son by my ex husband who was kind of out of sight out of mind. A good father when we were married but once we were no longer together and lived in different states although he paid child support he didn’t stay in touch and a daughter whose father basically said to me “How do I know it’s mine”. In her lifetime he sent $40 once and acknowledged (because she looks just like him) that it was his child. I could have forced the issue and got my child support but it was a different time and era and I was a pretty strong woman even at 18 so I pretty much said to hell with him. I relished the idea that there weren’t all the outside influences telling me what I should and should not do with regard to my children. I relished the idea that there was no one wanting to take my kids from me on the weekends or in the summer so that I would spend all this time worrying about them. I relished life drama free with no emotional upheavals for my children.. Did my kids want heir dad in their life? I found out when they were teens they did. I sent my son off to his dads for the summer at 15. It was good for them both. By the way my ex paid child support until my son was 15. I didn’t pursue it. I had to go through a little more trouble to find my daughter’s father. We were never a couple. We had a one week affair that didn’t work out. I knew his name and where he came from. Through the power of the internet I located him. He spoke to her on the phone once for about 30 minutes and that was the end of that. I don’t know what was said between the two of them and I never asked. I didn’t have and didn’t want to have any more children not because I couldn’t but because I thought 2 was enough. There were some hard times when they were growing up but we made it through. You don’t have to have a multitude of children just because your body allows you to.

So bottom line, forced fatherhood, I am against it. Some men give them time and they will come around, others your child is probably better off with just you! One last thing ladies, remember we mature a lot faster than guys so we have to ultimately be responsible for our own well-being and that includes what happens in and around her bodies. Nothing has changed in the last 20-30 years, a large majority of men will tell you what you need to hear to get what they want and when things are good hey! everybody's happy but let a child come into play and sometime men feel backed into a corner and then it is not so good anymore and this is where feelings get hurt. Best thing to do is avoid the situation all together by practicing safe, safe sex.


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